I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
