You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize