I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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