...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
