Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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