just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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