i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
