You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
