Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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