I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
