no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
