So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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