you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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