She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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