we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
