Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
