I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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