My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
