So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize