Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
