I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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