Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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