help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
