just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
