whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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