I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
