apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize