Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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