I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
