FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
