She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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