All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
