She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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