why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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