i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
