Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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