And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
