Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
