i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
