You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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