do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
