Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
