I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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