Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
