I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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