before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
