Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
