I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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