hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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