its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
