I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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