No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
