Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
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Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
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Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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