Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
