you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
