My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
