And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
