my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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