I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
