***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So here I am, sexting at work.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
