Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
