Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
