Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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