shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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