he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
