I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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