it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
