May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
