That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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