Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
