Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
