So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
