Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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