Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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