i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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