dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
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we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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