i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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